If you ask me what the most satisfying, comforting feeling on earth is, I will say being with my mom, Margaret Ann – and, even at 37 years old, preferably in her lap.
If you ask me what the one thing I haven’t had my whole life but have wanted, I will say my mother-in-law Teresa, Matt’s mom.
If you ask Matt what he looks forward to the most every week, he will tell you that his standing Monday phone call with his mom is just that.
If you ask him what makes him homesick, he will tell you it’s my mom (and dad).
My mom sends a group email to my brother, two sisters, and me every single morning at 7 am. We all reply and banter back and forth during the day. We all lived in the same town until three years ago, and as we have all moved to other cities and countries since then, this is her brilliant way of keeping us all on the same page.
Matt’s mom calls him every Monday morning and then again on Thursday. These are the two days she doesn’t have to be at the children’s hospital at 5 am.
Most all of these conversations via email and scheduled calls are about what is going on in everyone’s life … Who’s doing what, when and where. And then the how … How can we see each other soon? Although those emails and phone calls are our lifeline, all of this talk is really fast.
Late one night last week, Matt and I were laboring over not being able to spend Mother’s Day with our moms. In lieu of going home to love on them (and sit in their laps), we started typing and then sent both of our moms some real questions, things we were yearning to know, from their perspective, about what it means to be a mom.
We sent an open-ended email conversation to them, and this is what we woke up to the next morning.
Love,
Carrie
Matthew to Teresa
Do you remember when I was born? Or do you remember the first time you saw me? What was it like?
When you were born, you were a little beat-up looking, but I thought you were beautiful. I wanted you to have everything and to be everything. At first, I was worried I could not take care of you because I did not know how. But with lots of help from Grandma Hazel and Grandma Sally, we made it through bee stings, a burn on your hand, and not to forget, a few stitches.
What was I like as a child?
As a child, you were in a hurry. You walked early, rode your bike early, and went to college at six months old. You were very talented early, drawing sometimes on paper, and sometimes on the walls. You played the piano early and loved to be the center of attention, as I learned when you went to school and had to sit right beside the teacher. You spent a lot of time with your grandparents and I am so thankful they were there for us.They were and are the MOST WONDERFUL people in the world. You were very close to your Grandfather Leo and I know you learned a lot from him. You always had lots of friends and made friends easily, as you still have lifelong friends that are very important to you.
What is your most vivid memory of you and me together?
We would go on vacation and you would always find a friend to play with. Speaking of vacation, you and I went to Disney World with my friend Judy and her children, just you and I, right after your brother Aaron was born. We had a great time. You and I enjoyed movies together. We started going when you were pretty young and we also loved the haunted houses. We loved Halloween together and you always carved the pumpkin when you were home. Now I have to do it, but it brings back memories.
When were you proud of me the most?
You have always made me proud of you. From being the 4th grade star of the Christmas play to your talent in art and awards at school. I think the most proud was your graduation from college. But really, I am proud of the man you have become.
I am proud to be your mom.
When did you think, “OK, it’s time to let him go and spread his wings”?
You left home to find yourself, even brave enough to go to France all by yourself. I remember you telling me when you left for college, “Mom, I’m not going to move back home and come eat lunch with you at your work every day.” I was so mad at you! But I let you go.
I really knew I could let you go the day you married Carrie. But I really never will let you go. I will be there always for you.
When did you worry about me the most?
I worried probably the most about you as a teenager, and I was very hard on you, but I wanted you to grow up and have good values, be responsible and loving. I no longer worry as much as I did, because of Carrie. I could not have found a better person in the world than her for you. I thank God for her and you should everyday, too.
What do you hope for me?
I always told you to work for something that you really love because you might be doing it a long time. You are doing this, even if it has been hard at times. I am happy that you are living that out.
I love you so much.
Mom
Carrie to Margaret Ann
Do you remember when I was born? Or do you remember the first time you saw me? What was it like?
December, 1974. Shopping complete and presents wrapped, baking finished except for an orange slice cake for my Aunt Elizabeth in Kansas City—she never ever got it or another! A snow storm was forecasted, so St. Mary’s Hospital admitted me without delivery symptoms and Carrie Elizabeth Sights was born Saturday, December 1, with a head full of dark hair and just beautiful—the answer to my prayers since I believed that even with ten-year-old Bart and six-year-old Shara, we still really needed another baby. We had been approved for a state of Kentucky adoption! So it was a blessed, memorable and happy December day that you were born.
What was I like as a child?
You were a happy, always smiling precious child, entertained by a big brother and sister and dragged to all their sporting, piano and dance practices, games and recitals. You really did not love all the Madame Alexander dolls Santa brought you, yet you loved when at three years old, we were blessed with the birth of your sister Susan.
Being outside with all the animals where we lived in the country was not your cup of tea, so we were all amazed when you brought Lale into your life later! The violin became a huge part of your life at six years old, and even though you always printed like there was a ruler in you brain (you drew and doodled on everything, EVERYWHERE), an art class never was in the offering—just reading, writing and arithmetic! You loved your family. You LOVED your “bibis,” Elizabeth, who helped at our house. And you loved your friends. Enduring relationships were and are still a very important part of your life.
What is your most vivid memory of you and me together?
Being alone together was rare, and probably just at summer violin camps, but we have enjoyed great times when we could work together on many design projects, especially the interior design of our present home ten years ago. I admire and respect your versatile artistic ability so much. I have the special pieces that you commissioned for me all over the house.
When did you worry about me the most?
I worried about you the most after you finished high school, as you struggled to find your niche, trying different colleges and jobs. I stepped back and let you go to spread your wings when you decided to move alone to Istanbul, Turkey, for work. I told you not to march ahead of your brother on the busy streets over there, and you told me, “Mom, I have to be a strong, independent woman to live and work in a foreign country.” I was very proud of the graduate course in living and working that you passed with flying colors after living there for what started out to be three months, but ended up being years and years.
What does it mean to be a mother? My mother?
Unconditional loves means the most to being a mother you do not have to like everything a child does, but a mother loves a child no matter what the child does.
Being a mother to you, Carrie, means being understanding of how life has gotten really fast and busy for you, and trying to be patient to talk to you or to be with you. I really miss Carrie …
What do you hope for me?
I hope for you to be happy always. I know you will be successful in whatever you choose to do in your life.
And I hope for what you hope … I hope for you to be a mother.
All of my love, always,
Mom
